So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
