It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
