Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize