Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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