Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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