Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
