Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
