I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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