I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
