And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize