Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
