Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
