HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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