just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
whose ass print is on the piano?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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