They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
