Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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