found the other keg... it's in the tree
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
