just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
His nipple licking is glorious
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