I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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