I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
