Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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