4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
