Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
