There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize