My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
