a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
