So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
