I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
