Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
