Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
