you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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