i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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