How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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