it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize