dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
