You're so nebulous sometimes
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
