I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
