Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
