like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Bring me that man meat
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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