I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Holy shit dude........stairs
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
