I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Terrible idea I love it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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