I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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