There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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