Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
