If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
