i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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