Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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