Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize