The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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