I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
