This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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