I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
