ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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