this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
