I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
