there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize