U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
