im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i now understand why vodka
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
