ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
