I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
