got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize