I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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