Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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