Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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