I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize