Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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