so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
