craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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