Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
