Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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