we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
