I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize