I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
