I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
