so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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