I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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