Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize