i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
