if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
