Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
