i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
