Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
you never un-have a 4some
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
