Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
