Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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