I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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