there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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