i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
