I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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