I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
50% drunk capacity currently
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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