just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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