it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize