My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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