I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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