im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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