That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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