The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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