i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
