Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
