we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
