i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
