Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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