You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
