yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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