just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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