I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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