i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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