he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
