we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
