do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
