So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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