ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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