My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
