I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Boobs are out for the taking
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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