He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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