this beer tastes like vomit already
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
