I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I want her autograph on my taint
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
